Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize