i don't like sucking hair
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
