didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize