So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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