i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
