Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
