I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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