we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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