My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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