i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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