I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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