so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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