Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
