I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
