he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
