I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
