my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
