I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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