Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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