Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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