census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
