Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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