Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
