Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
