piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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