I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
