The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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