I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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