I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
