yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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