definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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