I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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