i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
