Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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