My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
