i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize