My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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