Me too!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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