just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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