tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize