my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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