Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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