Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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