That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
