i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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