i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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