ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
