Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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