Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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