You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
