If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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