So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
