He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
