Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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