So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
