I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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