you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
