Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
