Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
