dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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