those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
