we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
