The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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