escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
