She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
